


We go from here

by Allie_enigma



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angels, Angst, Canon Compliant, Family, Hugs, Memory Wipe, Multi, Mundane life, Painting, Post 3x22, Sequel, Shadowhunters - Freeform, Support, Vampires, Warlocks, Werewolves, downworld, seelies, shadowworld
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-02-29 04:28:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18771196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allie_enigma/pseuds/Allie_enigma
Summary: During the party of 3x22, Jace Herondale slips away to find Clary Fairchild, demon hunter and love of his life. When he opens his bedroom door, he finds that it's not Clary that is waiting for him, but a piece of paper proclaiming his worst nightmare.





	1. Where it left off

**Author's Note:**

> After seeing a demand for a sequel, I have decided that I will try and fill a tiny space in the hearts of our fandom. This has come from my own thoughts, written as a source of comfort. It won't be happy at first and I'll tell you that now, but maybe one day, it will be easier for us all. I hope you find some comfort in the story I am going to try to take you on, it's the least I could try to do for our little family <3

Sunlight and golden clouds wrapped around her in a soft blanket. Jocelyn looked down at her daughter as her memory was warped and altered to perceive a new version of her life. She would be put into a home safely, as if nothing had ever happened. Jocelyn couldn't join her, that would be a long time yet, but she could still guide her from afar. The angels had discussed it as Clary had disobeyed and her runes vanished, but Jocelyn had had the final say. Clary would live as if she had lost her parents in an accident, when she was in her early twenties, and would now live on with the help of her friends from the Brooklyn Academy of Art. More than just Clary's memories were altered, as she had needed to be put into mundane life as if she had never left it. It broke Jocelyn's heart that her daughter's memories would be changed, but it was the angels will, and they were the highest beings on all of heaven and earth.

All angel blooded warriors lived under the watch of the angel Raziel. The angels willed what was needed and put a stop to what wasn't. There were events in nephilim history that appeared cruel or evil to the angel blooded warriors, but all of it was just part of the grand scheme that made all of the nephilim stronger, braver and better. Jocelyn looked down, she couldn't materialise for long, the angels didn't like the deceased to dwell on their living loved ones. A warm and comforting voice washed over Jocelyn, she couldn't see the figure, she wasn't even here really, but the discernible voice of Raziel hummed through her head and buried in her soul.

_...Be at peace Jocelyn Fairchild, for it is all part of a bigger plan. When she is ready, everything will be laid down for her to begin again, and it will be glorious..._

 

_***_

 

Soft and happy music drifted down the corridor, a complete contrast to the atmosphere in Jace’s room. He stood with a letter in his hand and tears on his face as his eyes skimmed over the words. Her final message to him. The note that was supposed to make up for the life he had imagined them having together. Jace slid down against the side of the bed as his hands shook and his legs gave way; numbness washing over him. _This can’t be real. She wouldn’t just leave me. She couldn’t._

There was a gentle tap on the door as Izzy stuck her head in. “Hey, did you find-“ Izzy paused, taking in the sight of Jace’s distraught face as he lay half collapsed on the bedroom floor. Izzy took the letter from his shaking hands.

_‘…By the time you read this letter, my memories of you and the Shadow World will be gone. Even if I don’t remember you, you will always be in my heart…’_

Izzy’s eyes raced as she took in the contents of the note, trying to hold it together not for her own sake, but for the sake of her brother. Jace was inconsolable as he knelt on the floor with his hands over his head. Izzy pulled Jace towards her, trying to get a response. “Jace look at me…” he shook his head as Izzy pulled him against her, the way she had when they were little and their biggest problems were scraped knees and not shattered hearts.

Tears poured down Jace’s face as he tried to get his words out. “She’s gone Izzy! GONE! She doesn’t know who I am anymore! I’m…” He sniffled. “I’m never going to hold her again Iz.” For the first time in their lives, Izzy couldn’t think of a single thing that she could say to offer comfort to her brother, so she sat with him and waited for the storm to pass.

Ages passed before Izzy could get any kind of response from Jace. People would be looking for them soon, wondering where they were. She helped him stand up and then sit on his bed. Jace ran his hands over his face and then through his hair. “How could this happen Iz?... I should… I should have been watching over her!” Izzy grabbed her brother’s face as tears finally fell down her own. “Listen to me Jace, no one and I mean no one, could have known this would happen okay?” Her eyes drifted down sadly. “It was the will of the angels Jace.” Jace shot up, knocking over one of Clary’s easels. She had been making a painting earlier that matched the wedding hall. She had needed to paint in Jace's room because of the open light. She was going to give the painting to Alec and Magnus, to go in their apartment, but it stood unfinished. More tears fell as he lifted the easel and clutched at the edge of the nearly filled canvas, a rainbow of colour was splashed over it. It would never be finished now. “My Princess Iz… My heart… She went and took it with her.” His face contorted, the numbness and pain shifting to something else. He whispered softly, but with a harsh and avenging tone. “How could they do this Iz? After everything she’s done, all the people she’s saved Iz. What sick and twisted ideology have we been living under all this time? What do we even stand for? In the name of the angel…” He spat. “You’ll never hear me swear to them again.” There was cheering and clapping from down the hall.

Jace clenched his fists together, on the verge of lashing out. Izzy stood and took Jace’s hands in her own. “Jace, listen to me okay. This is our brothers wedding day-.” She wiped her face ineffectively as her hands shook, her make-up was running down her face. “We absolutely cannot tell anyone about this, okay? No matter how broken we feel, we cannot go out there and tell anyone, not today. Do you understand?” Jace nodded, knowing what Izzy meant. He was glad that he had someone being stern with him right now, they all knew it was what he needed when he spiralled…but this was on a whole other level, his heart was shattered in his chest and the only person who could make him whole again was gone. “What do we do Iz? Are we supposed to go out and act like nothing has happened? Act like the love of my life, the only girl I have ever loved, and will ever love, has not just disappeared from my life forever!?” Izzy flinched as Jace sniffled, she hadn’t realised how it was always Clary that had kept him calm. “I’m sorry Iz, you’re right. We can’t drop this on Alec and Magnus, not today. What do we do?” Izzy ran her fingers over her forehead. Her head pounded as she tried to comprehend that they were even having this conversation, today was supposed to be a happy day for them all. “I’ll go back to my room to sort out my make-up. You stay here and wash your face. We meet up in a few minutes, we go back to the hall, we keep a low profile for a little longer and we try to keep it together, okay? Just for tonight.” Izzy clutched her brother as he hugged her, his hands were shaking uncontrollably, and she wondered to herself how on earth they we’re going to even try to appear okay tonight. How was she supposed to hold him together, when she was breaking herself?

Izzy slipped from the room, not wanting to leave her brother but it wasn’t their choice to make,  there was no way that they could drop this on anyone tonight. Izzy rounded the corner, her room was at the bottom of the corridor, if she could just get to her room without being seen… She jumped as arms went around her waist from behind.

 _Simon…_ Simon grinned in her ear. “It’s a bit early to be going to sleep don’t you think?” He spoke in a low voice and his breath was warm on her ear. “Unless you’re not tired…I mean, if you are then that’s okay. But I just thought…What I actually meant…” He paused for a second when Izzy didn’t reply. “…Izzy? What’s wrong?” Izzy turned around in Simon’s arms and threw her arms around his waist. Her moment of being strong was gone, she needed someone to hold her together now. Fresh tears ran in trails down her face. “Can we…” She wanted to tell Simon, he had a right to know. But, how could she? How could she tell him that his best friend was gone? “Can we speak in my room?”

Simon followed behind Izzy, feeling slightly confused, but more upset than anything at seeing her this way. They went into Izzy’s room and sat down on her bed. Simon looked down. “Is this not working between us? Are you having second thoughts? I mean I’m kinda petrified of your brothers, but I think they’re coming around to-“

Izzy interrupted him as she rubbed her temples. “Clary’s gone Simon…” He stopped for a second and looked at her, if he had a heartbeat, it would have been racing. “gone out right? I mean I know it’s getting late but when you guys disappeared for a while, I presumed you went out for some air and she’d gone off with Jace somewhe-“ Izzy put her fingers on his lips. She needed to speak now if she was going to get through this. It was absolutely braking her that she had to do this to Simon. Sweet, sweet Simon. But she had to be the one to do it and she didn’t want Jace left on his own for too long, she had to tell Simon now.

“No Simon…” She shook his hands that we’re clutched in her own. Simon brushed across with his thumb, wiping her cheek as an expression of horror and realisation hit his face. Tears filled his eyes. “Where...where’s she gone Iz? Where’s Fray?”

Izzy collapsed against Simon's side. “She’s gone Simon..she’s not coming back.” Simon looked on in confusion as a tear rolled down his face, Izzy sniffed. “The angels were angry Simon…that’s she drew her own runes, they took her from us-“ She gasped as she clutched her hands over her face “- she doesn’t remember us Simon. She’s gone.” Simon stared in disbelief at what he was hearing as Izzy tried to explain. His chest hurt with a broken heart that couldn't beat. None of this made sense. “But they gave her the ability Iz, why would they do that? Why would they take her from us?” Izzy put her hands on his shoulder. “I think they were scared Simon. Think about it-” She chuckled slightly, trying to keep Simon calm. “-the angels were frightened of our brave and beautiful Clary. She was soaring Simon, and they wanted to stop her because they were frightened of what she was becoming.” Simon tried to smile at Izzy’s reassurance, but he’d grown up with Clary, everything they had been through, they had done together. Simon traced his tongue over his fangs, he needed to eat soon. “What about Jace…does he know?” Izzy nodded as she took Simon's hands in her own. She needed to get sorted and go find Jace. “She wrote a letter for him, to explain everything. I just…I just  cant believe this is happening.” She sat down at her dressing table and started wiping her face. Simon came up behind her and they both looked at the reflection. Simon put his hands on Izzy’s shoulders, he would hold it together for her, he had to. “Izzy, I don’t know what to say.” She brushed powder over her face. “I don’t either. Jace is absolutely falling apart Simon. He loves her so much. I don’t think he can ever come back from this, none of us can.” Simon looked down sadly and they remained silent for a few minutes, while Izzy sorted her make-up. She took a few deep breaths. “I told Jace that we cant tell anyone tonight…my brother Simon…and Magnus. Magnus practically helped her Mom to raise her-“ Simon put his arms around her neck and gently kissed the top of her head. “It’s okay Iz, I’ll be with you. We’ll get through tonight, together, and we’ll sort this mess out tomorrow, okay?”


	2. 'Falling in love with you'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is sat at his table, wondering where everyone else is, when his husband asks if they can take a walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've included a link to a piece of music that I would like you to play on loud while you're listening to this chapter. The link is[ here.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbVR391HzT8) Your cue to play the music is when you read the word 'Stars'. Read slowly and take it all in, it's a beautiful cover.

Simon held onto Izzy’s hand as they walked back to Jace’s room. Izzy had expected to find her brother trashing the place. Instead, he was sat quietly on the end of his bed, carefully folding the letter and putting it back into the envelope. This was worse. Izzy knew to expect Jace’s outbursts, she had seen them after the explosion set from Simon’s mark, but this was a whole different Jace; broken like an avenging angel and she didn’t know if she should make an attempt to comfort him or run in the opposite direction.

She cleared her throat and Jace looked behind her to see Simon in the doorway. Jace gestured with the letter still in his hand. “…Does he know?” Izzy nodded sadly as she sat on the end of Jace’s bed.

For once, Simon didn’t know what to say. He sat down on the other side of Jace and the three broken souls sat in silence, listening to the upbeat music that was coming from down the hall. After several more minutes, Simon sighed and looked towards the closed door. “We have to go out there, guys. You know that. Everyone’s going to be looking for us.” Izzy stood up and took Jace’s hand in one of her own. She held onto Simon’s with the other. Simon put his hand on Jace’s shoulder and found himself surprised when Jace didn’t move away from it. “Let’s just get through tonight, okay?” Izzy took several deep breaths, so she didn’t start crying again. This whole nightmare was far from over, but they just needed to hold each other together for tonight. Tomorrow, everything else could follow.

***

A soft balled drifted through the hall. Alec was sat at his table, undoing his shoes slightly. He’d been standing all day, and while his heart was singing, he couldn’t say the same for his feet. He’d been left entertaining all his older relatives, since his idiot siblings and their significant others were nowhere to be found.

Magnus ran his hand over Alec’s shoulder and kissed his cheek before sitting down next to him. “What’s the matter, Mr Lightwood-Bane?” Alec smiled at his husband. _Husband…_ He would never get over saying that. His face hurt from grinning. “Well Mr Lightwood- Bane, all my idiot siblings have run off somewhere and my feet are aching. Just give me a minute.” Magnus smiled and flicked his hands through the air. Immediately, Alec’s shoes were no longer hurting him, and he quite literally had a spring in his step. Magnus spoke softly as he held his hand out. “Better? Can I take you somewhere Alexander?” Alec stood up and put his hand in Magnus’ as he led him from the room.

Alec grinned as they walked hand in hand down the corridor. He raised one eyebrow. “You do know that my room is in the other direction, right?” Magnus beamed as the stopped walking and he turned around the face Alec. Magnus linked his hands behind Alec’s neck and felt Alec’s hands go to his waist. “A ravishing thought Alexander, but that’s not where I’m taking you-” Alec raised his eyebrows and tilted his head. Magnus went up on his tiptoes slightly and rubbed their noses together as he grinned wickedly and bit his lip. “Not yet anyway. There’s something I want to show you, come on.” Magnus put his arm around Alec’s back and walked him down the corridor, they got lost several times and Alec laughed as Magnus didn’t want to tell him where they were going. The music got fainter and fainter as they moved away from the party.

Eventually, once Magnus found his bearings, they reached the end of a corridor. Magnus opened the old wooden door and they found themselves in the outside courtyard. Alec’s eyes went wide as he took in the sight around him. The courtyard was covered in hundreds of tiny, white candles. Magnus held out his hand. “Alexander Gideon Lightwood-Bane , can I have this dance?” Alec held onto his hand carefully as they moved to the middle of the open room. Chimes that were hung in the courtyard made tiny twinkling sounds. Alec stared in awe at the sound and sight of the candles, as a million tiny stars shone above them. Magnus waved his fingers through the air and a soft and quiet melody began in the background. They didn’t need lyrics, they wrote their own lines.

Magnus rested his head against Alec’s shoulder and they rocked slowly to the music. Magnus placed his hands on either side of Alec’s head. Alec shivered slightly but he couldn’t tell if it was from the cool breeze or the feel of Magnus’ fingers as they brushed the side of his neck. Alec licked his lips and touched their foreheads together as they moved back and forth in each other’s embrace. “I want you to know that I love you so much Magnus. I never imagined that I could ever love someone as much as I love you. My whole life, I had never imagined that I could possibly meet someone as magical and wonderful as you.” Magnus kissed him gently as they swayed softly to the music. “I love you too Alexander. You are my heart, my soul, and my everything. You were worth waiting 800 years for, and I’d wait another 800 just to be with you again-” Magnus stopped speaking for a second and Alec looked into his eyes. “Alexander…there’s something else that I need to tell you.” Alec rested his head on Magnus’ shoulder, his eyes were closed in absolute comfort. “Then tell me.”

They turned slightly as the music continued. Sweet violin music that wrapped around them like a warm blanket. Magnus spoke against Alec’s face. “Do you remember back when I told you that Izzy was an excellent liar? When I saw her in the hunters moon?” Alec stopped swaying for a second. He looked into his husband’s eyes, wondering where this was going. He started panicking slightly. “Is she okay Magnus?” Magnus started moving to the music again, guiding Alec with him as he turned. He chuckled slightly, putting Alec at ease. “It’s not about yin fen, don’t worry-” Alec sighed as they moved gracefully in each other’s arms. Alec's hands were on Magnus' waist. “-but there is something that I need to tell you first. Do you remember after our trip to Paris? When you held my hand and you took me to place the lock?” Alec smiled as he ran his hand over the back of Magnus’ head. “How could I not?” Magnus gulped as the music picked up slightly. “Well… after I thought you had broken up with me…” Alec stopped dancing and looked at Magnus with concern. “Yes…”

Magnus went up on his toes and kissed Alec’s head softly. Tears ran down Magnus’ face and Alec’s eyes reflected them back. “Magnus…What happened?” Magnus traced his thumb over Alec’s cheekbone. “I went to see the lock Alexander and you have to understand that my heart was braking… I took the lock off our place Alexander. I couldn’t bear seeing it when I thought I would never hold you in my arms again…” Alec looked down sadly, not feeling hurt. He didn’t know what he was feeling. “And what did you do with it?” Magnus rested his head on Alec’s shoulder again, as they both stood still. Tears ran down both of their faces “I melted it down Alexander, I’m so sorry.” Alec paused to wipe the tears from Magnus’ face. “It’s okay Magnus, shhh…” He pulled Magnus against him. “Come here ...don’t worry…it doesn’t matter.”

They stood still for several moments before Magnus spoke again. “Are you mad Alexander?” Alec rubbed his hands against the side of his face, feeling numb. “I’m not mad Magnus, your heart was braking. I remember… after I thought that I’d lost you, I searched nearly all night for you. I rang Catarina and we searched until she had to go back to Madzie. When Jace asked me, what had happened the next morning, I was so broken and exhausted that I couldn’t even express my emotions anymore…I threw myself into missions until I saw you again.” He sighed. “…I just… I just can’t believe it’s gone. It was supposed to be a symbol of our eternal love remember? And what about Izzy being an excellent liar anyway? I’m guessing that you told her? Magnus nodded. The music was stopping, and darkness was starting to fall. “She knew yes… but only because she made our rings.” Alec looked in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Magnus held Alec’s hands in his own. “I said that I melted it down Alexander, not that it was gone.” Magnus licked his lips. “Alexander, we put that lock up together as a symbol of our eternal love, a love that knows no bounds, right? Did you ever read the inscription inside your ring?” Alec hesitated, he hadn’t taken it off since it was put on. Magnus pulled his matching ring off his own finger, an exact replica to Alec’s. He turned the ring in the light, so Alec could read it clearly as the music stopped.

‘Aku Cinta Kamu’- Indonesian for 'I love you'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3


	3. Brothers in arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus find out about the angels' curse.

Clary brushed paint over the canvas in front of her, splattering it with gold and silver streaks. One of her tutors came up behind her shoulder and tilted her head at the painting. “Loving the action painting, Miss Fray. What was your inspiration for this piece?” Clary looked at the painting. She wasn’t sure where the idea had come from. Usually her art just poured from her and she didn’t have to think why, or where?

“I’m not sure really. I like to think that the tower in the background symbolises a separation from society.” She pointed at the top of the canvas. “The gold and silver feathers above symbolise a chance of freedom, but they are too high for the top of the tower to touch it. The black symbols across the bottom are used as an expression of identity. Usually, black is used as a dark colour, but the symbols show that black can be used lightly, as an art of healing and self-expression.”

The tutor nodded as she went to walk away. She did a double-take and pointed to near the bottom of the canvas. “And what of the golden boy who is sleeping at the bottom of the tower?” Clary tilted her head slightly as she traced her thumb over the dry paint. “He’s stuck in a nightmare that he can’t wake up from.”

***

Alec raced down the corridor with his coat still on. His bag was slung over his shoulder. He burst into Jace’s room and woke him from a restless sleep. “Jace! Get up! Why didn’t you tell me!?” Jace sat up, hunched and defeated. “It was your wedding day Alec. And then you’ve been portalling all over the place on your honey moon. I couldn’t ruin it, I wouldn’t do that to you.” Alec hugged Jace tightly as he shook. “Jace I am so sorry. I couldn’t believe it when I heard. You should have told me.” Jace shook his head and rubbed at his eyes. “I don’t even know what to tell you Alec. I went looking for her, so many times, but I couldn’t find her. She isn’t at her old apartment.” Jace paused, looking at the numb expression on Alec’s face. “How’s Magnus doing?” Alec sighed as he set his bag down. “He said that he’s not accepting it. He’s ringing every High Warlock around to see if they can do anything.” Jace shook his head.

“I don’t know if there’s anything we can do Alec. We just have to wait until the angels give her back to us.” Alec nodded at Jace’s optimism. If denial was Jace’s way of coping, then he would never try to discourage him. “You just got back? Is Magnus here?” Alec nodded.

“He’s downstairs in the ops centre. I just need a minute. I don’t like seeing him upset Jace.” Jace got up and hugged Alec gently. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.”

***

Jace pattered into the ops room. He only realised when his feet felt cold on the tiled floor, that he’d forgotten to put shoes on. Magnus was facing away from him, flicking through one of the screens. There was no one else around and it was probably the middle of the night.

“Magnus…” Magnus dropped one of the books he was holding and rushed to hug Jace. His face was streaked with tears.

“Jace, I am so sorry. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried the Warlocks already, but I’m making calls and maybe-” He stopped talking as he felt Jace sobbing against his shoulder. Jace had kept himself restrained around everyone else but something about Magnus’ warm comfort and probably hopeless optimism, broke down his defences.

Tears rolled down Jace’s face as he hugged his brother-in-law. “I’m sorry too Magnus. You helped Jocelyn to raise her. I mean-” Magnus hugged him tighter.

“I know Jace, but losing someone you love like that… It’s just…I couldn’t even bear to imagine losing Alec. My heart is braking for you Jace.”

The two men broke apart and Magnus pulled a chair out for Jace to sit down as he wiped his face. “Magnus…I just wanted to thank you.”

“For what? Being here with you? That’s what family does Jace. They look out for one another.”

“No. With everything that has happened, I never thanked you for giving up your magic to help me. I was so caught up in trying to separate Clary from her brother that I didn’t think clearly. You sacrificed everything to help us, you always do Magnus because that’s the kind of person that you are, but you need to know how much we love and appreciate you. I know you’re going to pretend that you’re fine, even now that Clary’s gone, and be here for everyone else, but you need to grieve too, okay? You need to talk with those who care about you and let others put you as a priority.”

Magnus nodded. “Izzy said that she told Luke and Maryse the day after our wedding. Your Mom’s taking care of him, but he doesn’t want to go out anywhere. I’ll go visit tomorrow.” They both stood up and Jace hugged him again. “Thank you for everything Magnus. Alec is in my room and he looks pretty tired, I think everyone needs to get some sleep and maybe if we’re all thinking more clearly tomorrow, we can come up with a plan or something.”

Magnus nodded as he followed Jace down the corridor. “I’ll let you guys talk and I’ll be back later.” Jace set off down the corridor so Alec and Magnus could speak for a bit. He mumbled as he strolled off, his bare feet echoing in the long corridor. “I can’t sleep properly without her here anyway.”

Magnus opened the door to Jace’s room. Alec was sitting back on Jace’s bed, with his head against the headboard. He held out his hand to Magnus and put it against his cheek as Magnus leaned next to him. He spoke sleepily as his eyes were half shut. “Hey honey…you speak to Jace?” Magnus nodded as he sat next to Alec, putting his arm around his husband’s shoulder. He bumped their heads together and kissed the side of Alec’s face. “Yes, I did. I don’t honestly know what to do about all this. Jace said we should all sleep for tonight and come up with a plan tomorrow-” He let the sound of Alec’s gentle breathing wash over him. “…Let’s just sit here for a minute and then I’ll portal us home, okay?”

Jace returned to his room a little while later. He opened the draw at the bottom of the wardrobe and pulled out two blankets and a pillow. He set the pillow and one of the blankets down on the chair that was next to the door. He walked over to his bed where Alec and Magnus were both sleeping while they sat up. They had their arms wrapped around one another and held onto one other peacefully while they slept. Everyone needed a source of comfort to get through this difficult time and Jace was glad that his brother and Magnus had each other. While Jace had lost his faith in the angels for the time being, he still thanked someone daily that Magnus and Alec had come into each other’s lives.  Jace smiled slightly as he put the other blanket over them and shut the door behind himself.


	4. Golden Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon goes hunting for a shirt while Jace and Izzy go hunting demons, after being told not to go out.

Simon sat up in the bed and rubbed his eyes. There was bright sunlight peering through the curtains and he sat dazed for a moment, wondering why he wasn’t at his apartment. It was only a few seconds later when he remembered that he’d stayed the night at the institute. He moved over to the pillow that was next to him, burying his face in the soft and warm scent of Isabelle. She must have just left.

  
After several minutes of arguing with himself, he reluctantly stood up, stretching out his arms. He ran his tongue over his fangs. He didn’t suppose that the institute happened to have blood lying around the kitchen and he certainly wasn’t going to ask. He changed into jeans quickly and patted his hand over his bare shoulder. Where the hell was his top? Maybe it was in the training room? He had stayed up well into the early morning after Jace’s suggestion that he try the punch bag. It had been too late to go back to the apartment and it was too quiet there without Jordan playing video games, so he had walked half dazed to Izzy’s room and had fallen asleep in the chair. Sometime in the early hours, she had shaken his shoulder and told him to stop being so chivalrous, so he had climbed into the bed next to her.

  
Simon opened the door a crack and peered out. The corridor was empty. He knew that Shadowhunters were always up early so maybe they would all be out on missions by now. Simon moved quickly down the corridor, walking on his toes so the floor didn’t creak. Vampires were virtually silent anyway, but that was no match for big brothers with hearing runes.

  
Simon sped up and rounded the corner, the training room was in sight. He turned the corner and walked flat into Alec’s chest. His shirt was in Alec’s hand and Simon smiled shyly with a red face as Alec held it up in the air.

  
“You looking for something, vampire?”

  
***  
Water splattered over their feet as Izzy and Jace raced through the subway tunnel. They stopped as they reached a hole in the floor. Jace held his hand out. “That must be where they’re coming from Iz. Alec said to message when we got here and maybe he could ask a warlock to close it.” Izzy peered down into the hole. “I don’t see why it’s such a problem. There’s always been demons in the tunnels at this point.” Jace held his phone up to his ear.

  
“He’s not picking up-"

  
Jace put the phone in his pocket and grabbed Izzy’s shoulder as a huge Raum demon snuck up behind her. “Don’t make sudden movements. It might attract others.” Izzy smiled as she turned her staff in her hand. “You wanted a mission Jace. Let’s have one.”

  
Arcs of angelic light lit up the subway as Jace and Izzy fought off the demons. Jace turned and rammed his seraph blade through the chest of one. “This is perfectly fine. Alec said he didn’t want us going out but its no problem if we can take out our anger and take out a few demons while we do it.” Izzy brought up her staff into the air and struck it through a demon’s head.

  
“I agree. It’s just what the silent brothers ordered! Making us practice in the training room isn’t going to help anything.” Jace shouted back as he stabbed through one demon and into another, killing them both at once. “Totally right Iz-“A spark of light reflected off the damp wall, as one of the demons fell. Izzy shouted at her brother. “Jace! On your right! Look out!”

  
There was something about the light that brought back a memory.

  
***  
It had been a few days previously when he had woken up, halfway through the night. His bed had felt too big and cold and, he had run his hand over the space next to him, it felt cold and was barely illuminated with dark shadows. He had sat on the edge of his bed for a moment, taking deep breaths as he put his feet down on the cold floor.

A minute later, he made his way down the corridor and into the room at the end. Tears ran down his face as he shut the door tightly behind him and pulled a box of matches from his pocket. His head hurt in frustration of the whole thing and of the effort to hold back his tears. His hands shook, and the matches rattled, screaming to get out. _This is for her, remember?_ With shaking hands, he slid the cover off the little box. Several of the matches fell to the floor and he stared with a blank expression as he picked one up. Jace stuck the match against the side of the box and held it up, watching the flame flicker in the darkness. He tilted his hand and the match caught.

  
The room was illuminated as the tiny white candle caught alight with flame. He lifted it and touched the blaze to the candle next to it, and then another, and another.  
The once dark corner of Clary’s room was lit up with a flickering, white light. Jace sat back on his hands and put his head down. Clary’s letter was in his hands, the ink now slightly smudged. _Raziel please…Please bring her back to me. I’ll do anything…Please..._

  
As the candles had melted down to liquid, he sat with tears down his face. Tears he daren’t let anybody know about because despite everything he had been taught and even while growing with the guidance of Clary’s bright light, deep down, he still believed that crying in front of others made him weak. It was if all the lessons that she had taught him once had slipped away with her when she left.

  
He had crawled into her perfectly made bed and drifted to sleep. While he dreamt of avenging angels and warm, golden light.

  
***  
Izzy pushed her brother as a demon’s talons had scraped down his arm. She rammed her staff through the demon and it disappeared into ashes. Jace held his arm and looked at the scratches that raked down the back of it. “I forgot my stele Iz. I didn’t pick it up.” Izzy sadly held up the broken remains of hers. “That last son of a bitch broke mine. We need to get back.”

  
Jace walked a few steps to Izzy, before his ankle gave way. He knelt down and rolled up the leg of his trousers. “That last one got a piece of me.” Izzy moved to support her brother the best that she could, both emotionally and physically as they slogged through the sewer and back towards the institute.

  
***

  
“How could you two be so stupid? Do you really think I wanted to bench my two best fighters?”

  
Jace sat up in the infirmary bed and rubbed his face. Izzy wasn't in the room. He was tired, and hurting, and frustrated, but he was not going to cry in front of anyone. Not even his brother. “If Izzy hadn’t broken her stele..”

  
“Oh so this is Izzy’s fault?! You forgot yours, Jace! It doesn’t matter that I’m your brother. I’m the head of the institute and you both purposely disobeyed me. I’m supposed to be a leader Jace. I cant give you special treatment and let you off, or I’ll get in trouble.”

  
Jace moved over to the edge of the bed and Alec sat down next to him. Alec placed a hand on his shoulder and Jace turned to look at him. “However, you have been through a massive loss Jace, we all have. I’ll put in a report and explain that you’re suffering from emotional distress, okay?” Jace reluctantly hugged his brother around the waist. “Jace, it’s okay to show emotions remember? She…she taught you that.”

  
Jace shot up, shaking his hands out. “No Alec. I want to be left alone-"

  
“Jace…”

  
“GET OUT, ALEC!” Alec caught Jace as his legs gave way and he slid to the floor. He knelt with his head on the floor and his shoulders shook with the tears that he had been holding back. “You held me as I cried once, Jace. I’m not leaving you. Not now, not ever, okay?”


End file.
